Reality Sinking In

Classes start Monday and the reality of it all has become much clearer this past week. I had a sense of what I was getting into when I enrolled in the program, how life consuming this experience would be, but it really hit me this week as my schedule for this first semester has been finalized.

My graduate assistantship has a 20 hour per week time commitment. This semester that time will be spent tutoring in the university's writing center. Between that and my courses that only meet once a week, I'll be on campus for roughly 10 hours 3 days a week. I may also have to be on campus for a few hours an additional two days. While tutoring is work that I won't "take home" with me (although I am taking a course on Writing Center theory where I will be discussing and writing about my experiences tutoring), my own coursework will be intense to say the least. I'll have three sets of readings for three very different courses in addition to other class assignments and/or projects. It's difficult not to feel overwhelmed when thinking about the workload in that fashion, and adding the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and meal planning that I'll be doing on a daily/weekly basis makes it much scarier.

I think as these first few weeks go by I'll find a routine and learn to juggle my obligations, I'll have to if I have any hope of surviving the program, but it's still kind of terrifying. Will I ever have "me" time? It's not that I'm afraid of hard work (or a lot of easy work), but I am afraid of losing myself in that work. I suppose all that I can do at this point is continue to make an effort to do something (not school related) for myself on a regular basis to give myself something to hold on to. Also, finding an escape or two (like running or maybe cooking) where it's pretty much impossible for me to think about anything except for what I'm doing in that moment will likely prove useful.

As dismal as this post may seem, I want to point out that I still believe in what I'm doing. I know sleepless nights, crying, and uncertainty are in my future because of the path I'm on, but those things do not rule or define me.

Perseverance.