Classes officially started last week, but my assistantship hours didn't start until today. That and the fact that one of my classes was cancelled made the "first week" not feel like the first week at all. Although, my Thursday class is cancelled this week because there's a football game, so I guess it's not a full week either.
All that aside, the semester is starting off in a hurry. I had almost 400 pages of reading assigned last week for just one class, so there has been no time wasted. As daunting as that is (and how dismal my last post may have been), I feel pretty good about it all. The students I've encountered in the writing center and in the graduate program as a whole seem really friendly overall. One student in the program with me is actually in all three of my classes and we've already spent a little bit of time talking (and complaining) about what we've experienced thus far (like the 400 pages of reading). It seems like the writing center in particular has a strong sense of community, so hopefully that will help me to get acquainted and start making friends.
As a small side note, I'm learning HTML for one of my classes (so far it's very basic and I'm not sure how much we'll get into it). Maybe I'll learn how to do something fancy with my blog!
I don't have anything else to add for today really, but maybe I'll have something more significant to say after this week is over.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Friday, August 16, 2013
Reality Sinking In
Classes start Monday and the reality of it all has become much clearer this past week. I had a sense of what I was getting into when I enrolled in the program, how life consuming this experience would be, but it really hit me this week as my schedule for this first semester has been finalized.
My graduate assistantship has a 20 hour per week time commitment. This semester that time will be spent tutoring in the university's writing center. Between that and my courses that only meet once a week, I'll be on campus for roughly 10 hours 3 days a week. I may also have to be on campus for a few hours an additional two days. While tutoring is work that I won't "take home" with me (although I am taking a course on Writing Center theory where I will be discussing and writing about my experiences tutoring), my own coursework will be intense to say the least. I'll have three sets of readings for three very different courses in addition to other class assignments and/or projects. It's difficult not to feel overwhelmed when thinking about the workload in that fashion, and adding the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and meal planning that I'll be doing on a daily/weekly basis makes it much scarier.
I think as these first few weeks go by I'll find a routine and learn to juggle my obligations, I'll have to if I have any hope of surviving the program, but it's still kind of terrifying. Will I ever have "me" time? It's not that I'm afraid of hard work (or a lot of easy work), but I am afraid of losing myself in that work. I suppose all that I can do at this point is continue to make an effort to do something (not school related) for myself on a regular basis to give myself something to hold on to. Also, finding an escape or two (like running or maybe cooking) where it's pretty much impossible for me to think about anything except for what I'm doing in that moment will likely prove useful.
As dismal as this post may seem, I want to point out that I still believe in what I'm doing. I know sleepless nights, crying, and uncertainty are in my future because of the path I'm on, but those things do not rule or define me.
Perseverance.
My graduate assistantship has a 20 hour per week time commitment. This semester that time will be spent tutoring in the university's writing center. Between that and my courses that only meet once a week, I'll be on campus for roughly 10 hours 3 days a week. I may also have to be on campus for a few hours an additional two days. While tutoring is work that I won't "take home" with me (although I am taking a course on Writing Center theory where I will be discussing and writing about my experiences tutoring), my own coursework will be intense to say the least. I'll have three sets of readings for three very different courses in addition to other class assignments and/or projects. It's difficult not to feel overwhelmed when thinking about the workload in that fashion, and adding the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and meal planning that I'll be doing on a daily/weekly basis makes it much scarier.
I think as these first few weeks go by I'll find a routine and learn to juggle my obligations, I'll have to if I have any hope of surviving the program, but it's still kind of terrifying. Will I ever have "me" time? It's not that I'm afraid of hard work (or a lot of easy work), but I am afraid of losing myself in that work. I suppose all that I can do at this point is continue to make an effort to do something (not school related) for myself on a regular basis to give myself something to hold on to. Also, finding an escape or two (like running or maybe cooking) where it's pretty much impossible for me to think about anything except for what I'm doing in that moment will likely prove useful.
As dismal as this post may seem, I want to point out that I still believe in what I'm doing. I know sleepless nights, crying, and uncertainty are in my future because of the path I'm on, but those things do not rule or define me.
Perseverance.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Boring Orientation and Horrifying Tales
There's not much in terms of the latest developments in my experience as a doctoral student, but here's the latest: general graduate student orientation and program specific orientation. Sounds like fun, right? Let's just say the graduate student orientation was less than captivating. Since I'm new to the school and to the area in general, I thought it would be good for me to attend. I still think it was worthwhile, even though I'm not sure I really learned much of anything while there, because it will probably save me some time down the road when I'm wondering about services offered through the university. Lunch would've been nice (I spent $9 on a drink and a burrito I couldn't finish because I was short on time and had no idea what my other food options were), but there were about 500 people in attendance. I can understand why they wouldn't feed us anything substantial. Although, the program specific orientation didn't feed us anything substantial either and it was a much smaller group (granted, we didn't meet until after lunch had come and gone).
Even though food at the program orientation consisted of cookies, chips, and fruit, it was still better than what we were given earlier in the day. The orientation itself was also better, but in a sort of horrifying way. There was a lot of general information about the program requirements and whatnot, but the program director also read to us an essay he wrote on the fly that described what he recalls from his doctoral program (which is actually the program I'm enrolled in, although I'm sure it's changed since he earned his degree). In case anyone had been wearing rose-tinted glasses, he pretty clearly laid out what our lives will be like for the next 3-5 years. When I decided I wanted to pursue a doctorate, I had an idea of what I would go through. The doubts, misgivings, stress, anxiety and how those manifest themselves in a person's daily life. Having gone through a master's program and choosing the thesis option, I got a pretty hefty dose of those negative feelings already. However, listening to the program director describe it was still eye opening. I think what struck me most about what he had to say was that they (faculty) expect us (students) to fail frequently and spectacularly.
Failure is something people are conditioned to fear, as the program director pointed out in his essay, and so hearing him say that is terrifying to say the least. At the same time though, I think it's difficult to learn and grow if we are always the best at everything we do. This was something that he also made mention of. In particular he said that we should seek out the very things that we are unfamiliar, and perhaps uncomfortable, with so that we can be challenged and grow from the experience. The unfamiliar is something else that we have been conditioned to fear. Both of these are going to be challenges for me not only for the duration of my graduate studies, but I suspect far beyond that as well.
Hearing all of this can make a person question the path they've chosen, but do not despair. Over the course of the day there's been some talk about how to succeed in a graduate program, and I'll repeat the ones that stuck out to me here, but I wonder if perhaps they are applicable to being successful in life altogether.
--The faculty of the program want you to succeed. Your failure doesn't just look bad for you.
--Establish close bonds with your cohort. They're going through the same challenges and hurdles as you.
--Be adaptable.
Even though food at the program orientation consisted of cookies, chips, and fruit, it was still better than what we were given earlier in the day. The orientation itself was also better, but in a sort of horrifying way. There was a lot of general information about the program requirements and whatnot, but the program director also read to us an essay he wrote on the fly that described what he recalls from his doctoral program (which is actually the program I'm enrolled in, although I'm sure it's changed since he earned his degree). In case anyone had been wearing rose-tinted glasses, he pretty clearly laid out what our lives will be like for the next 3-5 years. When I decided I wanted to pursue a doctorate, I had an idea of what I would go through. The doubts, misgivings, stress, anxiety and how those manifest themselves in a person's daily life. Having gone through a master's program and choosing the thesis option, I got a pretty hefty dose of those negative feelings already. However, listening to the program director describe it was still eye opening. I think what struck me most about what he had to say was that they (faculty) expect us (students) to fail frequently and spectacularly.
Failure is something people are conditioned to fear, as the program director pointed out in his essay, and so hearing him say that is terrifying to say the least. At the same time though, I think it's difficult to learn and grow if we are always the best at everything we do. This was something that he also made mention of. In particular he said that we should seek out the very things that we are unfamiliar, and perhaps uncomfortable, with so that we can be challenged and grow from the experience. The unfamiliar is something else that we have been conditioned to fear. Both of these are going to be challenges for me not only for the duration of my graduate studies, but I suspect far beyond that as well.
Hearing all of this can make a person question the path they've chosen, but do not despair. Over the course of the day there's been some talk about how to succeed in a graduate program, and I'll repeat the ones that stuck out to me here, but I wonder if perhaps they are applicable to being successful in life altogether.
--The faculty of the program want you to succeed. Your failure doesn't just look bad for you.
--Establish close bonds with your cohort. They're going through the same challenges and hurdles as you.
--Be adaptable.
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